I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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