like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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