my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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