why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Your penis caused this!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
