I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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