We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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