hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
