For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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