Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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