sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dignity is for republicans.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
