I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
