It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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