if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
