I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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