Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
