I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
