I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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