Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
