Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
