I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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