But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
