At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
