like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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