I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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