the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
