Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
