his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
