You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sorry about my life...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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