He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So many bounce houses so little time
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
