Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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