Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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