For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
