I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i wish my penis had a tongue
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
this is an emotional support booty call
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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