Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
