My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
