I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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