the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
