The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I am full of burrito and curiosity
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
