considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
