"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
