I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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