yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
