After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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