last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
