thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
two words: eviction party
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
