Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
