he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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