Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
