I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
