omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
