His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
