right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
