dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my phone needs a breathalizer
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
