no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
