chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
