I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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