dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
