I cannot find my penis.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My dad just said "fuck circus"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
